Obviously, I’m not a
relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized 2
years ago in 2013, that gives me perspective of things, is too late to place
blame and as myself what would I have done different… After all, it was hard to
accept, that is much easier for anyone that leaves or was never planning to
stay in a relationship to accept change of new possibilities, than the one
that is left to pick up the broken pieces and clean up, if your those type
of guys that leaves nothing unresolved before moving to the next best thing.
Losing a woman that I loved for more than half of my life, here’s the advice I
wish I would have had during this process of loosing myself into things that
where unnecessary.
It does not matter the time you have spend with this woman,
never forget that as time passes by, you are changing, adopting new ways to see
things, experiencing new or less emotions, expecting different
results with efficiency. This is because as you age you become wise or more
foolish, the decision is yours; either or, we often forget
that life is too short, and is not to be taken too seriously, have fun,
laugh, and cherish those moments that make a difference with a
smile, with a hug, a kiss, while you explore new horizons with your partner in
crime, regardless of the goal.
First things, first, this is my experience and although
woman can be complex hard to understand at times, they are creatures of
emotions, once they conceive the notion of loving someone, they have
a unique skill to look behind the walls of your skin, read what your eyes show
and feel vibrations within a touch if its sinceere or not. This has nothing to
do of how you look, that is because they care less of what you are made of, for
them the important part is if it feels right, they will go against anyone or
anything to be with you and only you. Yes, hope that you are blessed enough to
meet a woman of this statue, you will be blessed beyond expectation, you will find
favor in front of the eyes of God. But there are some important factors to
consider and these are:
1. Never stop courting... Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that
woman for granted. When you asked her to be with you and marry you, you
promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it.
This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with.
SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love. Never forget
to bring her flowers or what she loved most about you when courting in
the beginning and NEVER, BUT NEVER Stop flirting with her.
2. Protect your own heart... Just as you committed to being the protector of her
heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. let people in with
caution, and always involve your significant other in it. Most important LOVE
YOURSELF FULLY, if you feel insecure, your relation will be on the loose
ropes. Love the world openly, but remember that there is a special place
in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space
always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or
anything else enter there. Most of all, is a space assigned to your God and
wife.
3. Fall in love over and over again... You will constantly change, is part of
life and the process of growth. You’re not the same people you were when you
met and got married, within the first two years you will learn a whole lot from
your wife, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today.
Change is inevitable and will crawl on you if you are not aware or
ready, remember this, you must embrace change. In such change you will question
many things, objectives, goals, life outcomes, places
and career opportunities in which you will have to re-choose
each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t
take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone or something else
and seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always
fight to win her love, communication is a key element to involve her in your
plans and be involved in your plans, just as you did when you were courting her.
4. Always still a smile from her, see the best in her... because you are best with her,
despite the outcomes in life and never forget to smile back and flirt with her.
Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand and grow. If you
focus on what bugs you, all you will see is a reasons to be bugged. If you
focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love and
understanding that anything is possible. Focus to the point where you can no
longer see anything but love, when so, know without a doubt that you are the
luckiest man on earth to have this woman by your side.
5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with
no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes,
whether it’s what you wanted or not, support her in her decisions and
provide that support she needs to make this happen. Woman live by trend of
time, so us men, but there is a happy medium to the things we can embrace what
we can become. Remember that there is a purpose for us all in this
world, and the only thing that predicts that is time.
6. Take full
accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you
happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own
happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and
your love. This perhaps is not as easy as you may think, us men are mental
analyzers, so analyze with someone with a higher profession, is part of the
change to embrace, seek other options to be accountable and settle what is
bugging you inside. There is nothing wrong to get assistance from
a counselor for personal growth and understanding.
7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering
something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When
you feel those feelings take time to breath, smile at the outcome, find and
seek the best options of your most internal fears. Get back to the present to
look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be
healed. You were attracted to this woman because at some point in time you
found resemblance as she was the person best suited to trigger and
heal your most painful childhood wounds… when you healed yourself, you may find
that you no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
This is the time to realigned your status and take a long trip, to find new
ventures together, to cherish new moments that capture a smile, that
spark in her eyes and yours, remember that is a new stage to find tune to the
new you and the new her.
8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to make her
happy or fix it, the last thing she wants to hear is your input on how to fix things.
They are most capable and qualified to fix things without your assistance, they
have dealt with you all this time, trust me they are more than
capable of. YOUR JOB and only
JOB is to job to HOLD HER and
let her know it’s okay. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s
important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean and she
chooses to embark on simple splutions you are there for her. The feminine
spirit is about change and emotion; in other words is like a storm inside her that
will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unbiased and
un-judging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY
WHEN SHE’S UPSET... This is what I would call facing the beast, you will be
hurt if you turn your back, face her and stand present and strong and let her
know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she has to say, but never argue
with her, is not worth the time or stress, instead offer a way to calm and
revisit when she has more control of her emotions.
9. Be silly… don’t
take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. Make her laugh, still a moment to
play with her, to still a moment from time. Laughter makes everything else
easier and is a therapeutic way to relax.
10. Fill her soul everyday… Nowadays, trust is a luxury because of society,
always trust her, learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels
important, ask her what are her desires, what are her fantasies, change
the way you make love to her, different places and times, take a little risk.
make her feel validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS
that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority
and make her feel like a queen.
Remember there will be times for your personal time and
hobbies, never forgetting or loosing yourself in her, Is part of us to figure out and have a healthy
balance between your career, family and hobby and make those small moments the
most important of you and her life together.
Just For Thoughts from a simple
guy.
